Busting Pop Psychology’s Bubble

Why TikTok terminology isn’t a diagnosis—and why good therapy sometimes makes you uncomfortable

Spend enough time on social media, and you may start to believe you’re surrounded by narcissists, toxic people, trauma responses, triggers, gaslighting, dissociation, attachment disorders, and red flags.

Your difficult ex? Narcissist.

Your mother disagrees with your boundaries? Toxic.

Your friend seems strangely calm during a crisis? She must be dissociating.

Your spouse remembers an argument differently than you do? Gaslighting.

Someone said something that made you uncomfortable? You were triggered.

Or…maybe not.

I'm a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) serving clients in Wisconsin, and one of the things I believe good therapy should do is help people distinguish between clinical mental health terminology and ordinary—and sometimes very difficult—human experiences.

Mental health awareness is a good thing. Turning clinical terminology into labels for every person, emotion, conflict, and uncomfortable experience is not.

Everyone You Dislike Is Not a Narcissist

Let's start with one of the internet's favorite diagnoses: narcissism.

A person can be selfish, arrogant, inconsiderate, immature, controlling, attention-seeking, difficult, or just plain unpleasant without having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

NPD is an actual mental health diagnosis. The American Psychiatric Association describes it as a pervasive pattern involving grandiosity, a need for admiration, and lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and occurs across different situations. Estimates suggest only about 1–2% of the U.S. population has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. (American Psychiatric Association)

Even having some narcissistic traits doesn't automatically mean someone has NPD.

That's an important distinction.

Sometimes a person isn't a narcissist. Sometimes they're selfish.

Sometimes they're emotionally immature.

Sometimes they behaved badly.

Sometimes they're setting a boundary you don't like.

And sometimes you're the difficult person in the interaction.

That last possibility doesn't get nearly as many clicks.

Your Fearless Friend Isn't Necessarily Dissociating

Dissociation is another clinical concept that has become increasingly casual online.

Dissociation is real, and it can occur in both normal and pathological forms. The American Psychological Association notes that ordinary experiences can include things like driving while preoccupied and realizing you don't remember much of the drive. More serious dissociation can involve disconnection from emotions, the body, memories, or other normally integrated psychological functions and may be associated with significant trauma. (American Psychological Association)

But someone who stays calm in a crisis isn't automatically dissociating.

Maybe your friend is resilient.

Maybe she's naturally calm.

Maybe she's good under pressure.

Maybe she has learned how to regulate her emotions.

Maybe she's a first responder, healthcare professional, teacher, parent, caregiver, or someone else who has spent years functioning effectively during stressful situations.

Being composed is not, by itself, evidence of a trauma response.

In fact, one goal of therapy can be to become more capable of tolerating difficult emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them.

We shouldn't automatically pathologize that ability.

Not Everyone Who Disagrees With You Is Toxic

"Toxic" has become an all-purpose word for people we don't like.

There certainly are relationships that are abusive, manipulative, coercive, chronically destructive, or unsafe. Those situations need to be taken seriously.

But disagreement isn't abuse.

Conflict isn't automatically toxicity.

Someone telling you "no" isn't necessarily controlling you.

Someone having expectations of you isn't automatically violating your boundaries.

A friend challenging your behavior isn't necessarily unsupportive.

And a therapist who doesn't agree with everything you say isn't necessarily a bad therapist.

Healthy relationships require us to tolerate the uncomfortable reality that two people can see the same situation differently.

Sometimes the answer is a boundary.

Sometimes it's ending a relationship.

But sometimes the answer is communication, accountability, forgiveness, compromise, acceptance, or learning how to tolerate the fact that another adult gets to think differently than you do.

Not Everything Uncomfortable Is a "Trigger"

This one matters.

Trauma triggers are real.

The National Center for PTSD describes trauma reminders or triggers as sights, sounds, smells, people, places, or other cues that remind someone of a traumatic event and can bring back significant emotional or physical reactions. (PTSD.va)

That's different from:

"That conversation made me uncomfortable."

Discomfort isn't automatically trauma.

Anxiety isn't automatically danger.

Feeling embarrassed doesn't mean you were harmed.

Being challenged doesn't mean you're unsafe.

Having a difficult conversation doesn't necessarily mean someone crossed a boundary.

Sometimes discomfort is your nervous system telling you something important.

And sometimes discomfort is simply the price of doing something difficult.

Applying for the job.

Having the conversation.

Admitting you were wrong.

Setting a boundary.

Hearing someone else's boundary.

Going somewhere alone.

Trying something new.

Saying you're sorry.

Allowing someone to disagree with you.

Taking responsibility for something you'd rather blame on someone else.

A major goal of therapy shouldn't always be eliminating discomfort. Sometimes it's learning how to function effectively while uncomfortable.

Clinical Words Actually Mean Something

Therapists spend years in education, supervised clinical practice, examinations, continuing education, and professional training for a reason.

In Wisconsin, becoming a fully licensed Professional Counselor requires meeting educational and supervised-experience requirements and passing an approved national examination. (DSPS)

Mental health diagnoses also have actual diagnostic criteria. The American Psychiatric Association specifically notes that DSM-5-TR criteria are intended to be used by trained professionals exercising clinical judgment—not as a tool for the general public to diagnose people. (American Psychiatric Association)

That's very different from watching a 45-second video called:

"Five signs your mother-in-law is a covert narcissist."

Mental health education can be enormously helpful.

Mental health misinformation dressed up as education can be another story.

A Real Therapist Isn't There to Validate Everything You Think

This may be the biggest bubble I'd like to burst.

Therapy isn't supposed to be an hour each week where someone agrees with you.

Yes, I want my clients to feel heard.

Yes, I take trauma seriously.

Yes, there are circumstances where people truly have been mistreated, abused, manipulated, traumatized, or placed in situations outside their control.

But compassion and accountability aren't opposites.

As a therapist, part of my job is helping you separate:

What happened to you from what you can do about it now.

We can acknowledge that someone treated you badly while also asking why you continue allowing the same pattern.

We can acknowledge that you're anxious while challenging the thoughts feeding that anxiety.

We can recognize that your childhood affected you without deciding that your childhood gets to control the next 40 years of your life.

We can acknowledge that a situation is uncomfortable while helping you build the skills to handle it.

And sometimes I may ask the question you don't particularly want to answer:

What part of this situation is actually within your control?

That's where therapy can become incredibly useful.

Therapy Should Help You Build Resilience, Not Fear Life

I don't want my clients walking through life believing everything is dangerous.

I want them learning how to determine what actually is dangerous—and developing confidence that they can handle many of the things that aren't.

Therapy can help you develop better coping skills, challenge distorted thinking, communicate more effectively, set appropriate boundaries, recognize unhealthy relationship patterns, regulate emotions, tolerate distress, solve problems, and make thoughtful decisions about the things you can control.

Sometimes therapy feels validating.

Sometimes it feels relieving.

Sometimes it's encouraging.

And sometimes good therapy makes you squirm a little because someone finally asked you to examine a belief or behavior you've been carrying around for years.

Growth and comfort aren't always the same thing.

Susan Ellis, LPC, in her office in Germantown, Wisconsin

I'm Not on TikTok. I'm a Therapist.

I'm Susan Ellis, LPC, a Licensed Professional Counselor serving adults, teens, couples, parents, women, and first responders in Wisconsin. I provide in-person counseling in Germantown, Wisconsin, serving clients from Germantown, Menomonee Falls, and surrounding Southeast Wisconsin communities, as well as online therapy and telehealth counseling for clients throughout Wisconsin.

My approach to counseling is practical, direct, compassionate, and focused on helping people make meaningful changes.

I'm interested in what happened to you.

I'm also interested in what you're going to do next.

We'll talk about the things outside your control—and we'll spend plenty of time working on the things that are within your control.

We'll identify unhealthy thinking without turning every uncomfortable emotion into a diagnosis.

We'll talk about boundaries without assuming everyone who disagrees with you needs to be removed from your life.

We'll recognize genuine trauma without teaching you to fear discomfort.

And when appropriate, I'll challenge you.

Because sometimes the most therapeutic thing someone can say isn't:

"You're absolutely right."

Sometimes it's:

"Have you considered another way of looking at this?"

That's not TikTok therapy.

That's therapy.

Looking for a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin?

If you're searching for a therapist in Germantown, WI, counselor near Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin, Wisconsin online therapist, Christian counselor in Wisconsin, anxiety therapist in Wisconsin, women's mental health therapist, couples counseling in Germantown, teen counseling in Wisconsin, or first responder mental health counseling, Ellis Counseling, Inc. offers practical, individualized therapy focused on real-life change.

Susan Ellis, LPC | Ellis Counseling, Inc.Licensed Professional Counselor in WisconsinIn-person counseling in Germantown, WI | Telehealth throughout Wisconsin

You don't need another label for everything that's wrong. Sometimes you need good information, useful skills, an honest conversation, and a plan for what comes next.